The Birth of Quinn

Birth story by the incredible Zeni Quinn Freeman. Images by Hailey Moses Striebich.

Zeni is a person who exudes brightness and joy. She works in the medical field and is very knowledgable about her body and her preferences around birth, and I was rooting for her and her VBAC in a big way. The way that she birthed her baby with peace, guided by her intuition and faith, was deeply moving. What an honor to be her doula and birth photographer! I am so excited to share Zeni’s birth story here, in her own words. -Hailey

My daughter’s birth 3 years ago was a scheduled c-section. She was in a breech position, and my doctor then did not give me any other options. At the time, I didn’t know much and trusted that he knew best. The only question I asked is if he would perform an ECV to try to flip her, and he told me “that will end in a c-section anyway, we don’t do that.” I knew I wanted this birth to be different. I wanted to fully trust that my body was designed for this, and I wanted to try a vaginal birth after cesarean (VBAC).

On Monday, July 10th, I was 41 weeks and 1 day when I woke up with contractions at 5:30 am. I had been having inconsistent contractions that started on Friday, but those disappointingly turned out to be some false labor. These contractions seemed different and were coming about every 10-12 minutes even while trying to sleep through them, but I still didn’t want to get my hopes up.

I got up and decided to start my day to try and distract myself. I had a midwifery appointment scheduled at 8am. I was almost 2 cm dilated and my midwife did a membrane sweep to hopefully get things moving.

When we got home from the appointment, my plan was to take my daughter, Tatum, on a walk, but my contractions made it somewhat hard to get out the door. I decided instead to let my mom and my best friend, Claire, know that they should probably make their way over whenever they could, since they were 2 hours away. Then I tried to rest as much as I could while watching my 3 year old. I was keeping my doula, Hailey, in the loop, and she was giving me some positions to try to help the baby engage in the pelvis. I was able to continue breathing and resting through my contractions for the rest of the morning. I made Tatum her lunch and put her down for her quiet time/nap time around 12pm.

Once she was asleep, I got in the shower and started listening to my Christian Hypnobirthing app to help get me through the contractions. The contractions definitely got stronger at this point, but I was still nervous about the labor stalling or slowing down like it had the past few days. Claire started timing my contractions, and they were coming every 3 minutes and lasting about 45 seconds.

When Davis got home, he supported me through my contractions and protected the birthing space he knew I wanted. Everyone knew that I wanted to labor at home as long as I could before going into the hospital. Something about working in healthcare makes you not want to spend any time in the hospital that you don’t need to. As my contractions became more intense, it actually gave me some relief to know that I was really in labor.

I labored in the shower, in the bath, on my exercise ball, walking, or laying down surrounded by my family, and it was just as calming as I hoped it would be. I could be in any position I wanted to be in, and in between contractions I was able to laugh and eat dinner and talk with my family. I don’t even know if my 3 year old realized that I was in labor with how relaxed we all were.

After dinner, my contractions started getting pretty intense. I kept working through contractions surrounded by my support system. It was around 10pm when I decided that if I waited any longer to go to the hospital, I would not be able to comfortably sit in the car. Davis, my mom and I headed to the hospital. My doula, Hailey, met us there.

When we got to triage, Davis gave me his AirPods with the Hypnobirthing playing, and that really helped keep me in the labor zone! The midwife came to check me and told me I was 5cm. I was SO relieved that it was real labor this time, but a part of me was a little bummed that I was only 5cm.

I got to my room and took a hot shower that felt great during my contractions. Being able to stand in the warm water was definitely my most comfortable position at that point. Hailey put up some fairy lights and candles, and we played the Hypnobirthing tracks on the speaker. I had not even planned for it to be as peaceful as it felt in that room. I wanted my birth to be a time of closeness to God because this baby feels like a miracle to me. I had a loss right before I became pregnant with Quinn. Remembering that my body was made perfectly by God to birth this baby was one of the most important thoughts that got me through. 

At 12:15 am, during a contraction, my water broke. It sounded like a water balloon popped and water just splashed on the floor. I didn’t expect it to be so dramatic!

After that, my contractions got stronger. I was able to get disconnected from the fetal monitoring and back in the shower for a bit, and I think that really helped.

I continued to do most of my laboring while standing up, and I feel like I was able to fully relax my body during contractions while swaying side to side. I kept reminding myself that the pain wasn't happening to me, the pain WAS me, and my body was working to re-position and birth the baby. I thought of the pain as intensity rather than pain, and the pain felt productive. I focused on totally relaxing my body as much as possible, because that helped the contraction open up the pelvic floor, and I was able to make the contractions more effective and move further along in labor. 

I was the only patient that my nurse and my midwife had that night, so they were both in the room supporting me from this point on and were so helpful.

I tried nitrous oxide to help with some pain relief, and it didn’t do a whole lot, just made me feel loopy, which I didn’t necessarily mind, and I liked how quickly it left my system. It took the edge off slightly!

At 1:30am, I asked the midwife to check how dilated I was, since I was starting to feel pretty drained. I was 7cm at this point, and I started to have some doubts about being able to do this unmedicated, since it seemed so intense, and I knew I still had 3cm and pushing to go. During a contraction, I felt like I couldn’t go on, and I wasn’t sure how I’d be able to finish. But during the breaks in between contractions, I was still able to joke and talk and laugh, and that definitely gave me the strength to prepare for the next contraction. I was surrounded by such positive people and felt so supported.

I started to feel an urge to bear down immediately after having the conversation about the epidural, so my nurse advised me to have my midwife check one more time and see where I was at before deciding on the epidural. At 1:50am, my midwife did a cervical check, and I was 9.5cm dilated. I was so surprised that after less than 20 minutes, I had dilated almost 3cm. That was definitely why it began to feel so intense! This really gave me the motivation I needed to continue on with my original birth plan, especially since I loved being able to move and stand. I knew once I got the epidural that would not be an option anymore.

My nurse, midwife and doula put me in a side laying release with the peanut ball to help get the baby fully engaged that last little bit. In this position, I started feeling pretty out of control, and my body started pushing during my contractions. I knew that I didn’t want to be coached to push, but I really didn’t expect my body to just push on its own the way that it did!

My nurse convinced me to try one contraction on my back (I think I made her nervous), and after that contraction was over, I immediately said “nope I’m standing.” I stood for the next handful of contractions, and I just remember my nurse asking the midwife “is she allowed to push while standing?” and my midwife replied “well she is, so..” I felt really supported by her the entire time! It was so empowering to have a provider that fully trusts the physiological process of birth.

At this point I felt like the baby was about to come, and I decided to get on my hands and knees in the hospital bed. I started to get really nervous for the first time and was saying that I don’t think I can do this. Everyone just kept reminding me that I WAS doing this. In between contractions, I was pretty exhausted but still was able to just lay my head down and rest before the next contraction. Davis didn’t leave my side the whole time.

Once I was back on the hospital bed, there were only 2 more contractions before the baby was born. And I yelled “oh my God, he’s coming” even though we didn’t actually know the sex of the baby yet.

Once I started pushing, I just felt so close to meeting my baby. I was nervous, because I'd never pushed before and didn't know what it would be like. I reached down and touched his head, and that was a really cool experience.

At 2:32 am I pushed once more, and Davis helped the midwife catch the baby.

Davis exclaimed, “It’s a boy, Zen!”

And I heard his cry, and it was a moment I will never forget. I laid down, and he was immediately placed on my chest, and it felt like I had known him my whole life.

We had some skin to skin time for over an hour before they weighed him and told us he was 7 lbs 5 oz! He latched and breastfed beautifully, and I was just so shocked that he was a little boy and he was finally here.

We named him Quinn David Freeman. Quinn is my maiden name, and David is my husband’s legal first name. So it felt really special to us both.

For me, having my own mother present for the birth was also a source of comfort. She's one of the only people that I feel completely comfortable around, so it was really meaningful to have her there during the birth and after. I hope that one day, it can be like that for me and my daughter, Tatum. My mom was so excited to be present. She said she was just staying quiet so that no one noticed she was there during pushing and would kick her out! I also feel like it was really important to me that Davis was my primary support person, and I feel like that's exactly what happened. I felt supported by everyone in the room, but Davis was the one who was right there.

I also loved everything about having Hailey as my doula! I feel like it took so much pressure and stress off of my shoulders to have her present, and to advocate for the hard things that I didn't have the capacity to hold space for during the birth. I told my husband that I was so happy that Hailey was there, because there's a lack of continuity of care with meeting a new provider and nurse, but Hailey provided that for us and made us feel so much more comfortable. And having her there to answer questions and touch base with during early labor and before the birth was so helpful too. I just really loved everything and can't thank her enough.

My advise to anyone considering a VBAC is to do your own research! It's not as scary as providers try to suggest. I tried to push fear out of my mind, and if anyone around me was talking about doubts or fears about VBACs, I would ask them to please stop talking about it. I feel like you need to be rooted in trusting your own body going into your VBAC, and finding a provider that completely believes in your ability to have your VBAC. Ask a lot of questions about what the practice's C-section rate is, their VBAC success rate, etc. 

Welcome to the world, sweet baby Quinn!

What an incredible joy to be by Zeni’s side on her birthing day, and what an AMAZING woman and mother she is. Zeni, YOU DID IT! ♡